The first round isn’t even over yet, and there have already been five 0-0 draws.  Five matches in which nobody scored.  In the Argentina-Netherlands match, there were a total of six shots on goal in the match (three a side).  For those keeping score at home, that’s one shot on goal every fifteen minutes (and that’s only if you ignore “stoppage time”).  There were nineteen total shots taken, if you include the thirteen that weren’t on goal.  So barely over one shot every five minutes, on average.   When Americans complain that “nothing happens” in a soccer match, this is exactly what we’re talking about.

While I’m on this rant, there were six 1-0 matches, three 1:1 draws (nine total draws), and fourteen other shutouts (twenty total shutouts if you count the 1-0 matches).  So out of forty matches played, in 25 of them, at least one team failed to score at all.  That’s a staggering 62.5%!  (By way of comparison, there were fifteen baseball games today, and two of them were shutouts; in all but 13.3% of the games, fans of either team had at least something to cheer for; and baseball isn’t exactly known for being the most exciting sport in the world…)

Contrary to what you commonly hear, it’s not just scoring that we like.  We like things happening.  That doesn’t have to mean a score, it can mean a decent attack, a shot, a scoring chance, a big play, whatever.  Incessant passing and jockeying for position with neither team truly attacking or defending does not constitute “something happening.”  Imagine what basketball would be like if 85% or more of a game was spent at center court, with teams just passing the ball around.  And there’s no shot clock.  Ugh.

So I think the appropriate question isn’t why the US doesn’t care about soccer, but why the rest of the world does care.  What exactly are you watching?

On a side note, I asked a Canadian coworker, and she tells me that Canadians don’t give a shit “aboat” soccer, either.