December 15th, 2006
In my previous post, I forgot one:
- The People on The Dog Whisperer: Not the host, who I don’t have a problem with, but the people who go on the show. Have you never watched the fucking show? Why is everyone always surprised when Cesar Millan inevitably tells them they need to give their dogs (calm) discipline, exercise, and (calm) affection? It’s only what he tells every-fucking-body! On average, he tells this to three families per episode. Yet somehow it’s some sort of “Aha!” moment when you figure out this applies to you, too? Pay attention, already!
Categories: Holiday, Humor |
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December 15th, 2006
Since Kevin didn’t do one today, I’ll weigh in. I’m a big fan of Tom Lehrer’s A Christmas Carol because of how well it lampoons the commercialism of the season:
Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly.
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don’t say when.
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.
On Christmas Day you can’t get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore.
There’s time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.
Relations, sparing no expense, ‘ll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil.
(”Just the thing I need, how nice!”)
It doesn’t matter how sincere it is,
Nor how heart felt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
What’s important is the price.
Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!
So, let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky.
Don’t stand underneath when they fly by.
Categories: Holiday, Humor, Satire, Xmas Lyric of the Day |
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December 15th, 2006
Is it that time of year again already? Apparently it is. Anyway, here goes:
- Myself: You’re never going to lose those extra 45 pounds until you eat less, and do more. Hop to it, boy!
- Memphis Drivers: It’s a four-way stop, not a Mexican stand-off. The rules really aren’t that complicated.
(more…)
Categories: Holiday, Humor |
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