The Airing of Grievances
by tgirschDecember 15th, 2006
Is it that time of year again already? Apparently it is. Anyway, here goes:
- Myself: You’re never going to lose those extra 45 pounds until you eat less, and do more. Hop to it, boy!
- Memphis Drivers: It’s a four-way stop, not a Mexican stand-off. The rules really aren’t that complicated.
- Iraq War Supporters: Admit you were wrong, already. Admit that you got punked. Side note to SayUncle: it’s awfully big of you to finally acknowledge that we need to “cowboy the fuck up” or get out, but it seems a wee bit late for that. You could have done this, you know, two or three years ago, when there was a chance it could have helped. Side note to Joe: Nice straw man you’ve got there; did you build it all by yourself? Seriously, you show me one prominent commentator from anywhere on the political spectrum who argues that “success” in Iraq is
measureddefined primarily, or even largely, by our ability to bring our troops home, and maybe you’ll get my attention. - Fergie (not the princess): I’m glad you’re making a lot of money with your “I’m hot and all the guys want me, but I’m not a slut” song, but if you wan’t people to believe the “I’m not a slut” part, you might consider not dressing, acting, and dancing like, well, a slut.
- The Toronto Maple Leafs: Are you a good team, or do you suck? I can live with either one, but this back-and-forth stuff is driving me batty. Make up your minds already!
- Brett Favre: How about, just this once, nipping the inevitable retirement talk in the bud. Make a decision before the end of this season, announce it, and stand by it. The annual “will-he-or-won’t-he” only mars your legacy.
- Sports Columnists: Yeah, Favre makes some boneheaded throws from time to time — always has — but if you think he’s even in the top five of “things that are wrong with the Packers,” you haven’t been following the team.
- The Milwaukee Brewers: Bringing back Craig Counsell does not count as a “big offseason move.” Just a thought, but have you considered pitching?
- Global Warming Deniers: Give it up, already. You really expect us to believe that the one and only exception to the “nothing in life is free” rule is the burning of fossil fuels? If a $300+ billion war hasn’t destroyed the economy, investing in alternative fuels and mandating improved efficiency won’t, either.
- Hypberbole: Yes, we all engage in it from time to time, but let’s try to keep it within reason, shall we? A ban on artificially-created trans-fats from commercial kitchens is not even remotely close to the same thing as living in Stalinist Russia.
- The “War On Christmas” Crowd: Retailers say “Happy Holidays” not because they’re somehow “hostile” to Christmas, and not because they really want to be polite and all-inclusive, but because some bean-counter somewhere figured out that this is what’s best for the bottom line. At the end of the day, the free market actually likes diversity (at least in this case). Besides, you lost the real War on Christmas decades ago, when it became a primarily secular holiday about trees and decorations and exchanging gifts, instead of a religious feast.
- Comedy Central: There’s a reason Greg Giraldo and Patton Oswalt are available whenever you want them.
- My Wife (and wives/girlfriends everywhere): Men are stupid. And inobservant. You need to tell us what you want for Christmas. Dropping hints won’t do it. In fact, even if you do tell us, we’ll probably forget. So write it down or something.
- Chick-Fil-A: Haven’t you been reading above? I’m trying to lose weight. Your breakfast chicken biscuit is not helping. And while we’re at it, I really like the fact that you’re closed one day per week; I just hate the fact that it’s Sunday. Close on Monday, when I’m unlikely to crave Chick-Fil-A. I’m sure there are churches that would happily accommodate you and your employees.
- ESPN: Just admit that it isn’t working, and fire your entire Monday Night Football broadcast booth. Or, to steal Kevin’s idea, at least replace Mike Tirico and Tony Kornheiser with Lawrence Taylor and Harry Carson… (yes, I know, we’re going to hell for that).
- The Entertainment Industry: Stop making crappy Christmas movies, already. I wouldn’t mind so much, except that my wife feels compelled to watch each and every one of them.
- DirecTV: Let me keep my TiVo, dammit!
Ah, but 2-3 years ago, it was spun differently and people saw an end to the violence/insurgency/civil war/sectarian/whatever name you want coming. now, it’s clearly not going to stop unless we stop it.
I don’t know who fergie is.
45lbs? You must’ve put on weight since I saw you last.
Amen on the presents for women.
Does anyone still watch MNF?? I haven’t in 10 years or more. Cripe, I didn’t even know there was a game on last night! It’s Sunday for NFL football. Heck, and if the Jets or Giants aren’t playing, I’d only watch to keep from cleaning out the room upstairs.
Seriously, you show me one prominent commentator from anywhere on the political spectrum who argues that “success” in Iraq is measured primarily, or even largely, by our ability to bring our troops home, and maybe you’ll get my attention.
From the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee:
Do I have your attention now? ; )
Uncle:
The violence/insurgency/whatever was best stopped before it started, which could have been done in two ways: not going in in the first place, or “cowboy[ing] the fuck up” 2 or 3 years ago instead of now, when it’s too late. And at least you recognize that 2-3 years ago, you were a victim of spin.
Some of us, as I recall, never bought the spin to begin with.
As for Fergie, she’s the chick from Black Eyed Peas. I’m talking about this. Bitch can’t even spell “Tasty.”
As for weight, I’m actually almost 10 pounds down from my max. But the bottom line is that I’m heavier than I look. I’ve got a pretty small frame and I carry all my weight in my belly and my face (which is why I shave my beard along the strategic double-chin line). My arms are normal and my legs are still stick-thin. I might still be a bit heavier than when you saw me, but I doubt more than about 5 pounds heavier.
Joe:
OK, I could have worded that a tad better, but I think the point still stands. The DCCC is not saying that success in Iraq is defined in whole or in part by the homecoming of American soldiers. They’re saying that success in Iraq enables this. Bringing the troops home is not a measure of success, but a product of success. To me, you seem to be arguing as if war opponents are claiming that success is defined by bringing the troops home. And, of course, the logical fallout of your argument is that once we deploy troops somewhere, they simply never get to come home, not ever. You also seem to be operating under the illusion that true success is still even possible in Iraq, an assumption I don’t share. (And I really, really would love to be wrong about that, but I don’t think I am.)
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I’m suprised you eat at Chik-Fil-A at all given they directly finance a large number of religious right groups.
Stormy:
I know, it’s terrible, isn’t it? Evil, but delicious. What’s a guy to do? (And in any case, if I started boycotting every company that did stuff I didn’t like, pretty soon I’d be boycotting everybody.)
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