I Crack Me Up
A couple of weeks ago, I was discussing auto racing with a few colleagues. Specifically, we were discussing the IRL/CART merger. It should be no secret that I much prefer open-wheel road racing. But a colleague, who’s a big fan of taxi cabs playing bumper cars while driving around in circles, err, NASCAR, was boasting about how many of the top open wheel drivers like Jacques Villeneuve, Dario Franchitti, and Juan Pablo Montoya were all making the switch to NASCAR. My initial response was that I want those open-wheel drivers with foreign names to start dominating the circuit, just to piss off all the rednecks. But I immediately realized that this isn’t what I really want. Quoth me:
No, what I really want is for a black Muslim driver in the #666 ACLU Toyota to start winning all the races.
Heh. That would make some good-ole-boy heads explode powerful quick!
UPDATE: Between comments from readers and friends, there are a few important refinements. The driver should also be openly gay, and instead of a Toyota, the car should be a Renault (French car).
Dude, all they need to do is ENTER that car in the race and there’ll be chaos.
He should be gay, too. Openly gay. Not like…you know who.
I want that, too! We’ve already got a softball team. I’m sure we’d be delighted to break into NASCAR, and as you say, I’m certain we’d be welcomed with open arms.
Are you liberal loons going to get Hillary or Obama to force NASCAR to submit to your bigotry by some kind of Affirmative Discrimination action on NASCAR?
Yes, morris, that is exactly what we are going to do, right after we force you to become Muslim and your daughters to become lesbians,
“your daughters to become lesbians,”
I don’t have daughters to become lesbians, but I do have a brother and his daughter who are thespians. (BTW, I thought you loons believe that no one becomes a homosexual.)
“BTW, I thought you loons believe that no one becomes a homosexual”
We don’t obsess about that point as much as your side. We really invest our worry capital in fretting that they might be infected with your right-wing shitheadedness.
BTW, thespians are just as bad. Cultural elite.
My name is Juan Pablo Montoya. You killed my father; prepare to die.
That’s how I would greet all other drivers on race day. Just in case anybody was wondering.
You forgot the “Hello.”
“thespians are just as bad. Cultural elite.”
Wow! How unliberal of you! It’s unusual for a liberal to think that lesbians are bad. You are going to lose your liberal loon license.
Apparently sarcasm is completely beyond Morris’s ken.
And humor is lost on you.
[...] Tgirsch has really amused himself with the following comment, based on his bigoted perception and disdain for the millions of fans of this country’s second most popular spectator sport. No, what I really want is for a black Muslim driver in the #666 ACLU Toyota to start winning all the races. [...]