« Previous | Next »

Things I’ve Learned Since Moving To The South
Posted by tgirsch

Baptist weddings suck.

That is all.

March 19th, 2008 I do too have a life, Culture, Weekend Flame Bait | 20 comments

20 Comments »

  1. Dan M. writes:

    Is it worse than Catholic ones where a priest yells at everyone for a have hour about how the only reason to marry is to have kids. And then finish by saying that if the married couple has any problems, they can always ask the celebate priest for advice?

    Comment 3/20/2008

  2. Ddeele writes:

    Why do you always invite two Baptists to go fishing?

    ‘Cause if there’s just one, he’ll drink all the beer.

    (p’dump-chssss)

    Comment 3/20/2008

  3. Rachel I. writes:

    You forgot — and incorrectly talks about the guy being into football, the woman being the one who cooks, and other reactionary heteronormative BS ad nauseum.

    Comment 3/20/2008

  4. Dan M. writes:

    That’s not even heteronormative. That’s macho-normative, which is just as simple-minded, but even more ignorant of human nature.

    Comment 3/20/2008

  5. Morris writes:

    It’s good to read comments that are devoid of anti-religious bigotry. Rev. Wright would be proud of you. Tgirsch will be here shortly to chastise you for making your bigoted comments.

    Comment 3/20/2008

  6. Morris writes:

    Oh, wait a minute. I see tg started the anti-religious thread. Nevermind.

    Comment 3/20/2008

  7. digglahhh writes:

    Miggity, Miggity, Morris -

    He said he doesn’t enjoy Baptist weddings, he didn’t say “Fuck Baptism!”

    If I said I didn’t like perogies (which I would never actually say, perogies kick ass), would that mean I was being anti-Polish?

    Comment 3/20/2008

  8. Matt writes:

    next time try an orthodox wedding, they make you stand the whole time and it’s in some language you probably don’t speak.

    However their receptions are fun.

    Comment 3/20/2008

  9. Tim writes:

    What’s wrong with baptist weddings? (I live in Oregon, so little to no Baptist presence around here)

    Comment 3/20/2008

  10. tgirsch writes:

    I should clarify. Depending on the church, the actual formal ceremony part isn’t usually all that bad (and, in fact, nowhere near as bad as a Catholic wedding), but at least the Catholics make up for it at the reception.

    I’ve been to a few Baptist receptions, and they strike me like an afternoon tea scene out of Pride & Prejudice. No entertainment, no alcohol, and if you’re lucky there might be a small buffet. I’ve been to Catholic, Lutheran, and UCC weddings, and in all of those cases, they reward you for sitting through the ceremony with dinner, music, and drinks, i.e. a real party.

    Comment 3/20/2008

  11. regulararmyfool writes:

    Orthodox pay off the best. Only went to one but at three in the morning at the country club an old woman climbed out of ac wheelchair and did a polka. They paid the bartenders by the bottle. I asked for a vodka and tonic, got a highball glass with a splash of tonic.

    Comment 3/20/2008

  12. Big U writes:

    hehehe. I’ve been to a few Baptist weddings that I thoroughly enjoyed myself at but there was no booze or dancing invoved so I can understand what you are saying.

    Comment 3/20/2008

  13. Morris writes:

    Why do people need alcohol to have a good time?

    Comment 3/20/2008

  14. tgirsch writes:

    Who said they did? It’s not that they failed to offer every single one of the things I mentioned. It’s that they failed to offer any of them.

    Comment 3/20/2008

  15. Morris writes:

    “It’s that they failed to offer any of them.”

    I’m sorry you’ve had such bad experiences. Maybe next time the bride and groom will consult with you as to how they should conduct their wedding and reception. It’s very inconsiderate of them not to want your standards, not theirs, at their wedding. Why can’t you be a gracious guest and quit bellyaching about everything?

    BTW, nobody cares how you do it up north.

    Comment 3/20/2008

  16. tgirsch writes:

    There are Catholics in the South, and their weddings are every bit as much fun as they are in the North. It’s just that we don’t have many Southern Baptists up North.

    And if my bellyaching offends you, quit reading it. I didn’t realize people weren’t entitled to express their opinions in Morris-land.

    (For the record, I was a gracious guest. It’s not like I went up to the bride and groom and said “This sucks, where’s the band?” Also, for the record, the Baptist weddings I’ve been to had nothing to do with the bride and groom’s standards, but with their parents’ standards.)

    Comment 3/20/2008

  17. Dan M. writes:

    But, TG! You’re insinuating that adults might not hold their parents’ complete world view as sacrosanct. That’s a sin, violating the fourth (or fifth, or seventh) of the Ten (er, nineteen) Commandments.

    Comment 3/20/2008

  18. Morris writes:

    “but with their parents’ standards.”

    It may surprise you, but some adults actually agree with the same standards as their parents.

    Comment 3/21/2008

  19. digglahhh writes:

    Hey atom-splitter, a bride and groom absolutely should consider whether their guests will have a good time at their wedding reception when planning it. It’s a fucking party, you dipshit - the point of a party is kinda to have a good time, and as a party organizer, your job is to ensure that the greatest number of partygoers enjoy themselves. That doesn’t mean they have to cater specifically to TG, but that’s not the point.

    And, I DO need alcohol to have a good time - so shoot me. Actually, I don’t NEED it, but it certainly adds to my enjoyment of lots of things. For example I had a great night last night - this morniing, not so much so.

    Belmoont almost knocking off Duke, awesome. Belmont almost knocking off Duke while you’re watching the game drunk, more awesomer.

    The lesson to be learned here TG, is the boy scouts mantra of always being prepared. In this case, that means when going to a Baptist wedding, make sure you first stock up on ‘ludes!

    Comment 3/21/2008

  20. tgirsch writes:

    The other thing I always forget is that unless they’re a close friend or a relative, RSVPing with “no” is an option, too…

    Comment 3/21/2008

Leave a comment