Anyone Know How to Cook a Turkey?
In a fit of what can only be described as insane optimism, I volunteered to cook the Thanksgiving dinner this year. Keep in mind, please, that I once burned water and that it is actually illegal for me to prepare food in three Indiana counties. So if anyone (except tgirsch. tgirsch is a full on foodie. He has deep and apparently meaningful conversations about the appropriate way to cure pig’s tail and knows the complete sequence of chemical reactions that leads to the perfect pot of boiled water. If I were to take his advice, not only would I screw it up, but I am pretty sure I would end up creating a zombie turkey monster that would devour Memphis. That would be worse, I think, than burning water.) has any advice, I am all ears.
November 24th, 2008 in
General
Step 1: Call Central Barbecue
Step 2: Shell Out $44
Step 3: Take home smoked Turkey, ready to eat.
Fictional buddy action film script:
Kevin: Anybody know how to cook a turkey?
Brian Bosworth:
[whips out DesertEagle, blasts two-bit jewelry thief, sending lifeless body somersaulting over parked car, then smirks]
Like that!
Or, alternatively, Whole Foods Market on Polar is pre-selling full ready-to-eat Thanksgiving dinners.
If you’re hell bent on doing it yourself, simplest thing is to shell out $20 for a probe thermometer (the kind with a cable so that the display is outside the oven, but the probe is inside) — you can get ‘em at Target. Thaw the turkey in the fridge for a couple of days before “the big day.” Pull the turkey out of the fridge an hour before you put it in the oven, and put ice packs over the breast.
Preheat oven to 350. Put the turkey in a roasting pan, season the skin liberally with salt and pepper, insert the probe thermometer into the thickest part of the turkey breast, and set the temperature alarm to go off at 165 degrees, and put her in the oven. When the alarm goes off, pull it out, cover it loosely with aluminum foil, and let it sit for 15 minutes before carving.
Oh, and don’t stuff the bird with anything — that’s just asking for food borne illnesses, especially for a novice cook.
Yo! buy a bird that has the thermosat already in it. Turkey’s are easy! The trick is to pre heat your oven and follow the instructions on the bird and leave it in till the little red thing pops out and it’s done.
As tgirsch says, it’s not that complicated. In fact, just getting a basic cooked turkey to gnaw on is pretty easy. Just follow the directions above and you’ll be OK. (Note: putting it in the fridge for two days is to let the frozen turkey thaw before you cook it – that’s absolutely vital, and it takes a long time to thaw a frozen turkey.) Roast it at 350 until the interior reaches 165, or, alternatively, about 1/2 hr per pound up to about 8 lbs, 1/4 hour per pound above that (still good to check with a thermometer). You can even rely on the little pop-up thermometer that they stick in some turkeys – crude, but this isn’t rocket science.
The real chore is getting it just perfect, like turkey aficionados like it. That means dark, crispy skin, juicy white meat, and excellent flavor. There are tricks for all that. How far you want to go in the search for perfection determines how many tricks to use. (In your case, “cooked” might be the right goal. See above.)
For dark crispy skin: rub skin with butter or canola oil, set oven to 450, and put the turkey in for about 1/2 hour or until the skin is just a bit lighter than you want it – then cover the turkey with a loose piece of aluminum foil to keep the skin from burning further, turn the oven down to 350, and proceed as above.
For juicy meat: watch the thermometer carefully and don’t overcook (the external-reading probe thermometer is good for that reason). Also, rub the bird with butter or canola oil before roasting; to go all the way, soften some butter by mushing it with a spoon, then wash your hands and carefully smear a thin layer of butter under the skin as far back as you can get it, being sure not to tear the skin and pulling the skin back to completely cover the meat. Every half hour or so, open the oven and quickly marinade the bird with the drippings from the bottom of the pan (use a long-handled spoon or a turkey baster syringe – best not the plastic kind, they melt).
For taste: add some herbs to the butter spread before oiling the bird. (I like parsley, rosemary, and thyme, but you can do what you want.) The salt and pepper on the outside is also very good – salt the bird at least 1/2 hour before cooking to pull juices to the surface for tasty Maillot reactions (“browning”).
For the super-adventurous, and just plain crazy, you can “brine” the turkey before cooking, by soaking it in a solution of salt and herbs to infuse it with moisture and flavor. Not really that hard, but it takes a lot of effort.
Here is Alton Brown’s brining instructions: http://tinyurl.com/6kaev2
Here’s another: http://tinyurl.com/6a4l4e
Then, of course, there are the deep-fried turkeys, turduckens, Cajun turkeys, and other such nonsense. Stay away.
Stuffing is an entirely different subject – a deep and subtle one. All I can say is, Stouffer’s can kiss my ass. Bread stuffings in general are sadly lacking. You want a savory stuffing for a turkey – the classic oyster and sausage recipes are a good starting point. Find one that sounds good, and don’t be timid. The day you actually want to eat bread pudding spooned out of the ass of a dead fowl, I’m sure you can find some somewhere. This is Thanksgiving we’re talking about.
As for the “don’t stuff the stuffing in the bird” thing, that’s basically for the kind of people who make their kids wear helmets while playing soccer. Putting the stuffing in the turkey allows them to flavor each other – very important. Just be sure to cook it. 165 degrees is the established target temperature to render it safe, but don’t overcook the meat just to heat up the stuffing. Your kids can take their chances.
I use the Alton Brown method to great effect, but I figure it’s more complicated than Kevin was interested in.
I’ll also note that if you roast the turkey until the built-in pop-out thingy pops out, you’re probably going to have a very dry turkey. Those things are calibrated to pop at a temperature that would sterilize grand central station.
KTK:
I think you mean a Maillard reaction, but that’s a very good thing indeed.
And as for the “don’t put stuffing in the bird” thing, I stand by it, because it’s exceedingly difficult to get it to where the stuffing and the bird are done at the same time — you usually either overcook one (bad) or undercook the other (far worse). Of course, Back In The Day™ I used to stuff turkeys with a homemade stuffing (the recipe for which would absolutely mortify Kevin) to no ill effect, but back then I used to consistently overcook turkeys, too.
don’t buy a frozen one. it won’t thaw in time for this year’s thanksgiving.
I think you mean a Maillard reaction, but that’s a very good thing indeed.
Oops! A Maillot is a one-piece women’s swimsuit.
What was I thinking . . .?
You can, of course, defrost the frozen bugger in a sink-full of cold water overnight. Mine is relaxing now with a glass of wine and scented candles, just waiting for the herbal butter massage tomorrow morning. Also, don’t forget the difference between dried and fresh herbs – I really prefer dried because of the mild flavor. Fresh herbs tend to over-flavor in spots: wherever they touch the meat for prolonged periods. Otherwise, I am in agreement with you all in regards to your tips, and thanks for reminding me of a few I had forgotton.