Lean Left

Totally Psyched!
Posted by tgirsch

I’m pretty sure, I’ve linked this before, but it’s a brilliant piece of satire. Flame on!

April 11th, 2008 | Satire, Health, Weekend Flame Bait, Humor | 2 comments

Clever
Posted by tgirsch

March 27th, 2008 | Politics, Satire, Weekend Flame Bait, Humor | one comment

My Endorsement For President
Posted by tgirsch

Jimmy f’n Carter, that’s who!

Ha!

January 16th, 2008 | Satire, Humor | 2 comments

I Wish This Were Satire
Posted by tgirsch

But sadly, it’s pretty close to the mark.

January 2nd, 2008 | Satire, Humor | 11 comments

How To Attract The Crazies And Start A Flame War In One Easy Lesson
Posted by tgirsch

“Guns.”

UPDATE: I’ve already said this in comments here, but I think it’s important enough to deserve a front-page mention. I shall rise to the narcissism level of the Gospel of John, and cite myself (with minor updates):

It’s probably a good time to let the record show that I do not favor a repeal of the Second Amendment, and that (at least as liberals go) I’m moderately pro-gun (to the extent that I am a CCW permit holder). So it’s not like I’m some “Brady bunch gun grabber” or whatever the derisive term du jour is.

In truth, I find both of the vocal sides of the gun debate to be incredibly tiresome. The fact that neither side wants to admit is that there’s probably nothing that could have prevented the Omaha attack. The guy took his own life! You really think the possible presence of a packing CCW holder was likely to deter him? Sure, there’s a chance that an armed CCW holder may have shot the attacker before he took all those lives, but I think that chance is an awful lot smaller than most of the rabidly pro-gun folks want to admit. [And the odds that such a person would have inadvertently injured an innocent bystander rather than the shooter are probably higher than the rabidly pro-gun folks want to admit.] At the same time, as has been pointed out by gun rights advocates ad nauseum, it was already illegal for this guy to have the gun in the mall, so it’s [highly unlikely that] any additional legislation would have prevented it [either].

And let’s call a duck a duck: Even if the presence of CCW holders would have reduced the death toll, the anti-gun crowd still wouldn’t support this. Even if additional legislation would substantially reduce the number of gun deaths in this country, the pro-gun crowd still would oppose it. So it’s not like we’re arguing about anything where anyone is even remotely willing to reconsider their position.

So what we’re left with, then, is a bunch of virtual ink spilled, and over what? The idea that my slippery slope can beat up your slippery slope? It’s a tragedy that was almost certainly non-preventable, and attempts — by either side — to coopt it to score cheap political points are, in my view, reprehensible.

December 7th, 2007 | Bloggin, Satire, Weekend Flame Bait, Humor | 17 comments

Force Obama To Open His Permanent Record Now!
Posted by Kevin

Man, I hate the primary season:

In third grade, Senator Obama wrote an essay titled ‘I Want To Be a President.’ His third grade teacher: Fermina Katarina Sinaga “asked her class to write an essay titled ‘My dream: What I want to be in the future.’ Senator Obama wrote ‘I want to be a President,’ she said.” [The Los Angeles Times, 3/15/07]

In kindergarten, Senator Obama wrote an essay titled ‘I Want to Become President.’ “Iis Darmawan, 63, Senator Obama’s kindergarten teacher, remembers him as an exceptionally tall and curly haired child who quickly picked up the local language and had sharp math skills. He wrote an essay titled, ‘I Want To Become President,’ the teacher said.” [AP, 1/25/07 ]

Even more damning, in the first grade Obama wrote an essay entitled “I want to be a firefighter” and in the second grade wrote an essay entitled “I want to be the first baseman for the White Sox”. Now, I ask you, how can we trust such an inconsistent, blow with the wind, bend with the polls, flip-flopper like that?

It’s all in the grade school essay people! And what kindergartener can spell “Become.” Such plagiarism at such a young age can only stand in mute condemnation of Obama’s lack of ethics and sickening desire to win at all costs. I mean, has anyone even seen Obama’s permament record? What does he have to hide by keepingthat secret, I wonder! Is it irresponsible to speculate that Obama’s grade school history shows a pattern of abusing small, furry animals and drug use? It would be irresponsible not to speculate!

December 3rd, 2007 | General, Politics, Satire, Humor | 5 comments

Ooooh, Crazy Spam
Posted by Kevin

Got this in my inbox this morning:

The Clintons and the “Mainstream Media” have been hiding their involvement in the creation of the man-made pandemic called AIDS and that this dread disease serves Jewish interests. And they have hidden the truth that they exported poison blood from an Arkansas prison for injection into the arms of black school children in Africa , to fulfill China’s Africa Policy: exterminate the indigineous population to make room for wave upon wave of Chinese immigrants yet to come.

Once China occupies Africa, they will seize control of the Mediterranean Sea and choke off America ’s primary source of energy. This is the reason the Jews (disguised as environmentalists) have not allowed America to drill domestically for oil or build nuclear power plants for decades. And once China controls the Mediterranean Sea, they can turn the continent of Europe red with communism and the blood of Christians, and finally fulfill the Jew’s eternal goal: to plant the head of the Pope on a pole in Vatican City in sight of the Holy See.

This is so close to the perfect right wing conspiracy theory, except that the UN and Muslims aren’t involved.This is so close to the lean book from Regnery Press: I am sorry, Mr. Crazy-Chinese-Jewish-Clinton-Environmentalist-Conspiracy-Guy, I am afraid that you haven’t fully met the high standards here at Regnery Press. How could there be such a complex conspiracy that involved neither UN or Islamofascists? However, we do feel that the work shows promise and with a little more research could be turned into a publishable manuscript. We look forward to hearing from you in the future, but I am afraid we will have to reluctantly pass for now.

As a side note, should it worry me that this obviously insane diatribe has fewer typos and malapropisms than my average post?

October 25th, 2007 | Satire, Culture, Humor | 5 comments

I Guess I Was Wrong
Posted by tgirsch

Reaganomics actually works.

October 17th, 2007 | Satire, Economics, Humor | no comments

The Defining Issue of 2008
Posted by tgirsch

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

October 17th, 2007 | Politics, Satire, Humor | no comments

Quote of the Day, 2007-10-17
Posted by tgirsch

Stephen Colbert, in an NYT Op/Ed this past Sunday:

I am not ready to announce yet — even though it’s clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative.

That’s funny, I don’t care who you are.

October 17th, 2007 | Satire, Humor | 12 comments

Too Easy
Posted by tgirsch

The thing about putting Lashawn Barber on The Daily Show is that you don’t really even have to make fun of her. All you have to do is let her talk; the comedy’s self-contained:

P.S. Why should we listen to Barber anyway? I mean, she’s only a woman. Those are probably just her hormones talking…

September 19th, 2007 | Bloggin, Satire, Humor | 4 comments

NASCAR
Posted by tgirsch

I haven’t laughed this hard in a VERY long time:

NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: ‘Drive Fast’

September 19th, 2007 | Sports, Satire, Humor, Auto Racing | 4 comments

Baseball Update
Posted by tgirsch

Via The Onion:

Report: Another Baseball Team Almost Does Something As Interesting As Yankees, Red Sox

NOT BOSTON OR NEW YORK—Something nearly worth reporting occurred either Saturday or Sunday—although no written records of the event exist, analysts claim it was the same day the Yankees beat the Mets to take the Subway Series—when the Minnesota Twins squandered a large late-game lead to the Brewers, but then won the game when Jason [sic] Morneau hit a walkoff home run in a manner eerily reminiscent of Red Sox slugger David Ortiz. “Manny Ramirez has really started heating up at the plate as of late, and you know what that means—opposing pitchers had better watch out,” ESPN’s Sean McAdam said when asked about Corey Hart’s eighth-inning homer that cut the Twins’ lead to two. “But if the Yankees rotation stays healthy and Abreu keeps swinging a big stick, it will be a tight race down the stretch. Should be a fun summer.” Prince Fielder, Torii Hunter, Jeff Suppan, and Joe Nathan were unavailable for comment, as they are not Derek Jeter, Curt Schilling, Johnny Damon, or Alex Rodriguez.

July 4th, 2007 | Sports, Satire, MLB, Humor | no comments

This One Is For Kevin
Posted by tgirsch

Ha!

June 27th, 2007 | Satire, Humor | one comment

Surgeon General
Posted by tgirsch

This is great stuff. Especially the ones on the ends.

June 20th, 2007 | Satire, Humor | one comment

Humor
Posted by tgirsch

Ha!

April 11th, 2007 | Politics, Satire, Humor | no comments

Looking Back On Iraq
Posted by tgirsch

This is a perfect summation of how the pre-war debate about Iraq went in this country. Go have a look. And a laugh, if you can keep from crying.

March 20th, 2007 | Satire, Iraq, Humor | one comment

Bwah!
Posted by tgirsch

So I’ve been slowly reading The Areas Of My Expertise by John Hodgman (you know him as the PC from the Mac commercials, or as the “resident expert” on The Daily Show). The book is hit-or-miss, and to be quite honest, it’s a whole lot more “miss” than “hit.” However, the section on the 51 states (long story) is quite good, and this bit, on New Hampshire, made me laugh out loud (especially the state motto):

New Hampshire

Nickname: The State Liquor Store State
Motto: “Live Free of Motorcycle Helmets and Seat Belts or Die.”
Notes: For centuries, a giant, craggy profile of a man could be seen in the cliffs of Cannon Mountain. Beloved and occasionally worshiped by the citizens of New Hampshire, he was dubbed “The Old Man of the Mountain,” and his profile still appears on the reverse of the New Hampshire state quarter. Sadly, in May of 2003, scientists determined that “The Old Man of the Mountain” was not in fact a giant man, but just rocks. The citizens of New Hampshire were so enraged by this betrayal that they tore the face off the mountain with picks. Remaining tourist attractions include: Olde Portsmouthe Towne, Libertarians, and tax-free wine and spirits. However, due to the state’s famous civic frugality, visitors are asked to provide their own roads.

He also dubs Missouri “The Demonstrate Your God-Damned Thesis State,” and gives Georgia’s nickname as “Where Every Street Is Named Peachtree,” which is funny if you’ve ever been there.

March 15th, 2007 | Satire, Books, Humor | 4 comments

Your Daily Laugh
Posted by tgirsch

I’m about a month late to the party on this one, but if you haven’t already, go read this open letter concerning maxi pads. A taste:

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Read the whole thing for some good laughs. The “blaze of glory” line triggered a drink alert.

March 13th, 2007 | Satire, Humor | one comment

Exclusive SayUncle Interview
Posted by tgirsch

Definitely worth a read. Ha!

February 27th, 2007 | Politics, Church & State, Satire, Religion, Science, Humor | no comments