Baseball Update
Posted by tgirsch

Via The Onion:

Report: Another Baseball Team Almost Does Something As Interesting As Yankees, Red Sox

NOT BOSTON OR NEW YORK—Something nearly worth reporting occurred either Saturday or Sunday—although no written records of the event exist, analysts claim it was the same day the Yankees beat the Mets to take the Subway Series—when the Minnesota Twins squandered a large late-game lead to the Brewers, but then won the game when Jason [sic] Morneau hit a walkoff home run in a manner eerily reminiscent of Red Sox slugger David Ortiz. “Manny Ramirez has really started heating up at the plate as of late, and you know what that means—opposing pitchers had better watch out,” ESPN’s Sean McAdam said when asked about Corey Hart’s eighth-inning homer that cut the Twins’ lead to two. “But if the Yankees rotation stays healthy and Abreu keeps swinging a big stick, it will be a tight race down the stretch. Should be a fun summer.” Prince Fielder, Torii Hunter, Jeff Suppan, and Joe Nathan were unavailable for comment, as they are not Derek Jeter, Curt Schilling, Johnny Damon, or Alex Rodriguez.

July 4th, 2007 | Sports, Satire, MLB, Humor | no comments

Happy Independance Day!
Posted by Kevin

Bush’s idea of America:

[I]n a case decided two weeks ago by the United States Supreme Court and widely discussed by legal specialists in light of the Libby case, the Justice Department persuaded the court to affirm the 33-month sentence of a defendant whose case closely resembled that against Mr. Libby. The defendant, Victor A. Rita, was, like Mr. Libby, convicted of perjury, making false statements to federal agents and obstruction of justice. Mr. Rita has performed extensive government service, just as Mr. Libby has. Mr. Rita served in the armed forces for more than 25 years, receiving 35 commendations, awards and medals. Like Mr. Libby, Mr. Rita had no criminal history for purposes of the federal sentencing guidelines.

The judges who sentenced the two men increased their sentences by taking account of the crimes about which they lied. Mr. Rita’s perjury concerned what the court called “a possible violation of a machine-gun registration law”; Mr. Libby’s of a possible violation of a federal law making it a crime to disclose the identities of undercover intelligence agents in some circumstances.

When Mr. Rita argued that his 33-month sentence had failed to consider his history and circumstances adequately, the Justice Department strenuously disagreed.

A much, much better idea of America:

There’s many a man worse than me, and some better… But I don’t think race or country matters a damn. What matters, Colonel… Is justice. Which is why I’m here. I’ll be treated as I deserve, not as my father deserved. I’m Kilrain… And I damn all gentlemen.

July 4th, 2007 | General | 31 comments